Warning: Read before you make your next PB&J

So, I was reading Dan Abram's blog today. You know that host of msnbc's "The Abram's Report" (come on, you know, that strangely attractive and amusing newscaster, mmmm tasty). Well he was joking around about Smucker's attempt to patent one way to manufacture a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Well, I've posted his comments below, and I thought they were pretty amusing. Next thing you know Donald Trump will try to trademark the phrase "you're fired." Oh, wait, he already did. Wonder what will be next, maybe i should try to patent breathing through the nose? $$$


Who knew you might have to pay to make a PB&J? I'm not talking about the $5 for the tub of peanut butter and $3 for the jelly. According to Smuckers, if you make the sandwich their way, you owe them a lot more than that.
Today, a federal appeals court began considering Smuckers' argument that it has a patent on what it considers innovative technology worthy of protection by the U.S. government: how to make a PB&J.
So, you ask, how has Smucker's so revolutionized the creation of America's favorite sandwich, such that they should get a piece of every sandwich you make?
Smucker's puts peanut butter on both slices of bread and then puts the jelly in the middle to prevent the fruity spread from seeping onto the bread. It then takes the crust off the bread and seals the sandwich to create the “uncrustable.”
I guess that means that I am entitled to a patent for what I like to call “Dan's grilled cheese. “ I put a slice of American on one side, a slice of Swiss on the other, and then I wait to put on the tomato and lettuce until after it's grilled so the veggies don't get hot.
Come on. What if the guy who first decided to add marshmallow fluff to the peanut butter sandwich thought he might be violating a patent? There would be no such thing as a fluffernutter. And remember those Reese's peanut butter cup ads where the guy with the chocolate accidentally falls into the woman with the peanut butter and alas, a peanut butter Reese emerges. No patent there.
Smuckers' arrogance over the “uncrustable” is not extending to claiming they invented PB&J—just that they perfected it. Smuckers credits American GI's fighting in World War II with the idea of first mixing the two together. Its legal case specifically targets Albie's Foods Inc., which also sells crustless PB&J in supermarkets. So maybe the rest of us with an uncontrollable appetite for the uncrustable are safe.
But lunch box lovers, be aware, stick to the basics. Slop your peanut butter on one side and jelly on the other. Let it seep, let it soak. And don't cut the crust off! And whatever you do, don't try and sell it at a bake sale, because that will make it a Smuckers sandwich. If they hear about it, you could be stuck with more than peanut butter on the roof of your mouth.