The Year of the Dog

This is no way to treat an animal. You can just tell in their eyes how much pain they must be in.

And yes, we are about to enter the year of the dog (I'm pretty sure the element is fire). I just happen to be an earth goat. So what does the coming year have in store for me? Let's see, according to Suzanne White's The New Chinese Astrology:

This year could be crucial. How can a goat possibly be expected to function in this self-righteous atmosphere of altruism and devotion to social causes? I will not enjoy any of the Dog's indulgence. He cannot abide people who don't seem to care enormously about others. The dog is a savior of the downtrodden and a revolutionary thinker. He is suspicious of both aimless luxury and aimless lassitude, my two favorite toys. His dutiful attention to the problems of the less fortunate give me the impression that nobody is paying attention to me. Being ignored makes me insecure and I hate insecurity.

One way to save the day for goats during dog years is for us to join right in. Push myself: participate in social programs; join movements to fund projects for the poor; start a home for abandoned animals; or feed the homeless. If the dog's x-ray vision notices how hard I am trying, he will be less likely to bark and nip at my heels in an effort to get me where he thinks I ought to go.

Man, this seems like it is going to be an awfully long year. Jesus Fuck!!!