Baron Blowhard aka Kayaboy

My super powers include throwing parties and masturbating to Ricky Martin pictures, but I can't time travel and I sweat a lot. I look good in Spandex, and I cloud men's minds to have my way with them (and sometimes women, too). My super speed is a bit of a problem in the bedroom. I use my X-Ray vision to ogle guy's naked bodies in the grocery store. Like a lot of gay Superheroes, I'm hung like a horse.

How Dodgy are You?

Scoundrel

More than a bit naughty - you're heading for a spot of bother at this rate - that is if you're not already inside. You don't have to be perfect, but if no one says you're a bad person, they're wrong. You are.

Based on your answers, we have calculated the maximum penalty for your crimes:
Years in prison: 19
Potential fine: £9500
Plus a possibility of the death penalty!

Wow, Rolling Stone printed something worth reading

Rolling Stone's recent cover story, The Worst President in History, almost redeems Rolling Stone magazine. Sadly, it is too little too late to regain it's stature in the credible music world. This passage gives a good idea about the tone of the article:

The monster deficits, caused by increased federal spending combined with the reduction of revenue resulting from the tax cuts, have also placed Bush's administration in a historic class of its own with respect to government borrowing. According to the Treasury Department, the forty-two presidents who held office between 1789 and 2000 borrowed a combined total of $1.01 trillion from foreign governments and financial institutions. But between 2001 and 2005 alone, the Bush White House borrowed $1.05 trillion, more than all of the previous presidencies combined. Having inherited the largest federal surplus in American history in 2001, he has turned it into the largest deficit ever -- with an even higher deficit, $423 billion, forecast for fiscal year 2006. Yet Bush -- sounding much like Herbert Hoover in 1930 predicting that "prosperity is just around the corner" -- insists that he will cut federal deficits in half by 2009, and that the best way to guarantee this would be to make permanent his tax cuts, which helped cause the deficit in the first place!

Ok, this not so trivial factoid is in need of repeating. The 42 presidents before him borrowed $.04 trillion less than Bush has, and he still has 1002 days left in office. I mean, can you fucking believe that!

This is a Time cover I want to see.

The Utopia of Greed

Does anyone else think it is absurd when people complain about the leaking of classified information about secret (and oh yeah maybe not legal) White House approved operations? I mean their righteous indignation at the leakers and not the programs themselves baffles me.

In his most recent appearance before Congress CIA Director Porter Goss said, "The damage has been very severe to our capabilities to carry out our mission," adding that a federal grand jury should be impaneled to determine "who is leaking this information." The information he was referring to include details on the secret US prisons in eastern Europe. The damage here was caused by their ill-conceived program not the leaking of the information.

He is also failing to note the enormous white elephant crashing through the room. Maybe it was the US led, unprovoked, internationally-unwanted, and horribly planned war with Iraq. Hmmmmm.... Anything else just reinforces the world's view of the US that were formed on March 19th, 2003.

Busheviks

I've got a kick out of these illustrations of Bush administration policies in the style of Maoist social realism. Artist Kirk Anderson has got quite a knack at that art stuff.

Energy

Field and Stream

I've never even read the magazine Field and Stream, the world's leading outdoor magazine, but because of recent events I have come to respect them. Why might you ask would I even bring up Field and Stream, a noted hunting and fishing magazine, not that I have any ill-will towards hunters or fishers? Well for two reasons, both dealing with the utter ridiculous and almost unbelievably anti-environment Bush administration.

The first reason revolves around the Bush administration's voracious energy policy and how it adversely effects our public lands. While first published in late 2003, Field and Stream released a editorial about how the President has failed to protect outdoor sports on the nation's public lands.

"With deep ties to the oil and gas industry, Bush and Cheney have unleashed a national energy plan that has begun to destroy hunting and fishing on millions of federal acres throughout the West, setting back effective wildlife management for decades to come....Our energy security can never result from more drilling in our public wildernesses. Of course, the worldwide quest for fuel damages the environment wherever it is unleashed. As Doug Grann, the president and CEO of Wildlife Forever, the conservation arm of the North American Hunting and Fishing
Club, points out, we cannot sacrifice the wildlife and wild country of this planet while doing nothing to develop alternative fuels and improving the fuel efficiency of our cars, factories, and homes."

Try explaining any of that to the Bushies, and you are likely to get the door slammed in your face. I mean, come on, energy companies are making record profits in this country(as well as having an inordinate amount of say so in the nation's energy policy, anyone remember Cheney's National Energy Policy Development Group), and they still can't come up with alternative fuel sources? Bullshit. If only our energy policy focused on the research needed to make alternative fuels possible.

Stream and Field most recently took a swing at the Bush admin after Secretary of the Interior, the infamous Gale Norton declared that "the nightmare of wetlands loss had finally come to an end due to unprecedented gains since 1997." How exactly is this possible considering that in the very same press conference, the Fish and Wildlife Service reported a continued loss of 523,500 acres of natural wetlands during the same time period? Well that would be because Gale Norton seems to think that golf course water hazards are considered wetlands!!!! Seriously. They are apparently including artificially created ponds including golf course water hazards and farm impoundments. Field and Stream reports that:

The boldness of Norton's claim was particularly galling given the Bush Administration's record on wetlans. President Bush, like other presidents before him, promised a policy of "no net loss" of wetlands, but his administration has consistently supported rollbacks of the Clean Water Act to satisfy industry and development. While saying the nation's wetlands picture remains "precarious," Norton added that "even ponds that are not a high quality of wetlands are better than not having wetlands." Now there's a ringing endorsement of the president's program. Norton's announcement was likely an act of setting the table for more administration assaults on wetlands protections. It was probably no coincidence that three days earlier, the Army Corps of Engineers and Environmental Protection Agency proposed new regulations that encourage development of companies that build artificial wetlands used by industries that destroy the vital natural habitats. It's part of the wetlands mitigation banking concept, which gives companies permits to drain wetlands, as long as they produce "new" wetlands somewhere else. Norton may thinnk a water hazard is better than no wetlands but for fish, wildlife, and sportsmen it may be worse. That type of pulic policy provides an excuse for more permits to drain more natural and productive wetlands to be replaced by non-productive water hazards. Those might be good for real estate values along the 18th fairway, but for fish and wildlife that rely on wetlands ecosystems to survive, it's terrible."

Kudos to Field and Stream for standing up to the Bush White House's horrible record on the environment. And a big Fuck You to George W. Bush and Dick (in his mouth) Cheney.

The leper's bell of an approaching looter

Or what happens when I have nothing better to do on a Saturday night but get really high with my man and fuck around with my photos.

Wouldn't it suck if...

Punk became so commercialized that a bubble gum manufacturer would register a punk duck for a logo.

I love you more than my aftershow monster bong hit

I also can't wait for The Most Extraordinary Space Investigations Movie

Clerks II: The Passion of the Clerks

Today was such a bothersome day at work, I left after noon. That left me with the entire afternoon free. But since I couldn't find anything worthwhile to do I fucked around on the internet and played We Love Katamari on my new PS2. Why is any of this worth mentioning? Well I guess there is no truthful answer to that question other than it isn't, but I did find the trailer for Clerks II, finally a movie worth getting excited about. I'm kinda surprised (pleasantly, that is) that Rosario Dawson is in it. And what is up with Ben Affleck listed in the credits as Bartleby? Is there gonna be some weird flashback?

They still don't like you. In fact they like you even less

Cat Missing

Apparently Dr. Shabubu is missing his cat.

A horribly ugly feline at that. Does anyone else thing that Dr. Shabubu may not get the best results from this flyer? Unless of course there really isn't any cat missing, and there is just some weird hypnotic message at the number that gets people to join some disturbed Christian cult?

So how to find out without risking getting caught in their evil grasp? Google them. And what do I find from my google search? A flickr page.

A confusing page indeed. I'm not even sure what the hell is going on, but it somehow fits with the flyer, and I did find the flyer in Oakland near the Berkeley border. I wonder if "Jenna" is that crazy girl who always leaves those weird rambling diatribes on horribly xeroxed paper at the Bing Wong Wash Center in Berkeley. I think it might make sense, but fucked if I know.

Fucking crazy homeless bitches

Early this morning I took a relatively quick smoke break, and while I was enjoying the smoky flavor of my Camel Turkish Silver, I was pounced upon by not one but two separate homeless assholes who apparently think it is within their rights to smoke my cigarettes. Now, usually I don't have any problem bumming out cigarettes to anyone who asks, but today I only had two left after the one I was currently smoking, and I didn't feel like making a trip to the gas station sometime before I get out of work, so I told the first guy (maybe forty year old white guy with some weird disease/infection covering a large portion of his face and neck), "no, I'm sorry I only have two left." What was his response? "I only need one." To which I had no response and just kept reading my book (Atlas Shrugged). Apparently this didn't please him, and as he walked off in a huff you could hear him bitching about how much of a greedy bastard I was. So, as I was rolling my eyes and attempting to locate the part of the novel where I was so rudely interrupted, I heard some immensely dirty, sickeningly smelling, crazy mother fucker black guy muttering about nigga cocaine and other less intelligible phrases. So of course, this asshole asks me for a cigarette. My reply this time was a simple no, and I continued to try and read. Maybe not the best idea, but what else are you supposed to say to someone who is obviously in need of some serious psychological help. Anyways, he ended up screaming and bitching about how he doesn't want my nigga cocaine, and I can't have his white man tobacco. And then starting just yelling at me. Not that any of the words he said at this point had any relevance to the words following or proceeding it. I think, if I can remember the gist of it, it went something like, "fucking arab box smokes nigger thanks slave bitch cunt mother taking fucking cigarette etc...." Eventually he just walked away, but god I was livid. Why exactly, do either of these useless stinking human beings think that I should be obliged to give them anything let alone a fucking cigarette. Living and/or working in Berkeley for the past eight or so years, I have become so fucking jaded when it comes to the homeless. When I first came here, I even hung out with a bunch of people who choose not to work and live in a house, I still see some of my old friends, although I don't hang out with them all that much anymore. Now however, I just got so sick of hearing a bunch of rude ass remarks if when some homeless person asked for change and I said sorry, or if I try to ignore them then I get a whole nother set of rude remarks. Apparently the only think that makes these assholes satisfied is if I cum in their mouths or something. Grrrr... ok, now that I've vented I feel much better.

Cynosura

I have become aware that the most proper name for my new cymbidium orchid is Cynosura. I had a dream where it was told to me by some weird hairy imp dressed in a mud-encrusted sock. I figured there was not much of a point to argue with my unconscience mind, it isn't as though I've named my other plants in any real way. I just don't feel up to tempting fate at this point.

Current Music: Flak by Future Sound of London 

Here we go

Recent months have been harsh towards my inclinations to post anything other than random trite. This may in fact just be the fate of me mangled and overly stimulated noggin. Or maybe a more general malaise affecting the subconscience of me mind. I suppose I'm just hoe up for inspiration.

Following from that diatribe I've decided to completely take up a friend of mine's half-offered challenge and produce my own specialized "sort of desert-island situation" double CD set.

Disc 1: wait how many cigarettes do i have left?!?

1. Hedwig and the Angry Inch (motion picture soundtrack) - Origin of Love
2. The Pixies - La La Love You
3. M.I.A. - Sunshowers
4. Madonna - Like a Prayer
5. Lucinda Williams - Essence
6. Dolly Parton - Jolene
7. le Tigre - Dyke March 2001
8. Liz Phair - Johnny Sunshine
9. The Dandy Warhols - Boys Better
10. Miss Kittin & the Hacker - Frank Sinatra
11. Daft Punk - Teachers
12. Deee-Lite - Groove is in the Heart (sampladelic relics & dancefloor oddities version)
13. Cibo Matto - Birthday Cake
14. Sleater-Kinney - Dig Me Out
15. L7 - Off the Wagon
16. PJ Harvey - Yuri-G
17. Rasputina - New Zero
18. The Cure - The Lovecats
19. Tori Amos- Tear in my Hand
20. Ani Difranco - Grey

Disc 2: there has to be something around here to get high off of

1. Ani Difranco - Dilate
2. Ani Difranco - Gravel
3. Nine Inch Nails - Closer
4. Nirvana - Polly
5. Belle & Sebastian - If You're Feeling Sinister
6. Art of Trance - Madagascar (Ferry Corsten Mix)
7. Tricky - Christiansands
8. Portishead - Roads
9. Roni Size/Reprazent - Watching Windows
10. DJ Shadow - Camel Bobsled Race
11. Bjork - There's More to Life than This
12. Tori Amos - Professional Widow (armand's star trunk funkin' mix)
13. Tori Amos - Datura
14. The Pixes - Gigantic
15. The Dandy Warhols - The Dandy Warhol's TV Theme Song
16. Beck - Black Tambourine
17. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart - anything from the Magic Flute
18. RENT - Out Tonight
19. The Smashing Pumpkins - Pastichio Medley
20. The Pixies - Subbacultcha

Another Orchid Show

I went to another Orchid Show this weekend. Just a couple of blocks away from my apartment over by Lake Merritt. While it was quite a bit smaller than the huge expo in SF, I did find an orchid that I like enough to buy, so I was pretty excite about that. Here are some pics including the one I bought. I was a little disappointed that my good friend Busty couldn't attend. Fucking lousy coworkers, grrrr...